How to Have Fun in Social Situations

Have you ever been to a party and felt like you just didn’t want to be there? Probably.

I’ve always been a bit of an introvert. I enjoy pondering grand ideas and turning things over in my mind. I used to find crowded places difficult – a source of anxiety. Whenever I was in a group setting, I had this feeling that everyone’s eyes were on me – which probably wasn’t the case. It was a completely irrational fear of social interaction.

I’d summarise this issue in a simple sentence – I was not having fun in social situations.

So, how do you adopt a positive mindset, and have fun? As I like to spend time analysing, I thought about the issue for a long time.

Why wasn’t I having fun?

Funnily enough, the more I thought about how little fun I was having, the worse the feelings became.

I had regressed. But eventually, I realised something.

How to Have Fun

What’s the mental state you need to be in when you’re having fun?

Fun, is, by its very nature, a feeling free of burden and care.

Step 1

The first step is letting go. You need to be in a free state of mind to experience fun. My article on 19 things you can do to make your life better, is full of some useful activities which free the mind.

Furthermore, these stoic quotations will help you let go of the things that weigh heavily on you.

Step 2

Don’t obsess over the idea of having fun. If you get to a social event, and you’re concerned about why you aren’t having fun, or whether it will be fun, you simply won’t have fun.

Rumination is the process of dwelling on the fact that you aren’t having fun, and you can get stuck in negative thought cycles.

Make it About Others and Not Yourself

If you focus on other people and not yourself, you’ll be less burdened. When you’re focused on your happiness, you place pressure on yourself. If you focus on others, you externalise this pressure and build relationships. This type of fun is more enduring than a quick dopamine hit.

Imagine being on a date with someone, and making it all about how you feel. Focusing on the other person is a better use of your time. The person you are on the date with, by the same token, will usually give you positive energy back for your efforts.

A good example of how this energy feedback loop works is in salsa dancing. A leader should always be thinking about the follower. Make the dance about her, and not about your lead. It is a difficult mindset to embody, but it is an important aspect to improving the connection between you and your follower.

Conclusion

It might seem ridiculous that anyone would have difficulty having fun, but this used to be a problem for me. It was a skill that I have learned over time and will need to continue to develop.